


Because I Could Not Stop For Death

by el_gilliath



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Character Death Fix, Crash Fest 2019, F/F, F/M, Fix-It, Happy Ending, M/M, Roswellprompts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-06-09 23:40:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19486336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/el_gilliath/pseuds/el_gilliath
Summary: It starts, like so many things have started in Michael’s life, with his back against a pod.





	1. Grief

**Author's Note:**

  * For [see_addy_write](https://archiveofourown.org/users/see_addy_write/gifts).



> You know when you do a Crash Fest and vibe with all three of the prompts? Well you find a way to do all three. This is for you Addy, I really hope you like it as much as I enjoyed writing it :)
> 
> Prompt One: Michael and Liz babysit Max in the pod 
> 
> Prompt Two: Max and Michael being brothers 
> 
> Prompt Three: Michael and Alex being domestic 
> 
> Title shamelessly stolen from Emily Dickinson and her fantastic poem Because I Could Not Stop For Death. Betaed by the fantastic estel_willow/hannah_writes <3

**GRIEF**

It starts, like so many things have started in Michael’s life, with his back against a pod. His own pod. The little piece of Antar that is left for him, left of his home. Max is in his pod; they didn’t want to leave him in Noah’s murder cave. He hasn’t been back to that cave. Everything feels wrong, like the deepest, darkest abyss of their alien lives live in there. Since he got there, found Max dead and Rosa alive, and hightailed it right out of there to put Max in his home. In his pod. He knows Iz has been back to the cave, to try to figure out more of Noah’s power secrets.

But he can’t. He would rather be here, sitting with his back against the warmth of his pod and talking to Max. Reminisce about the days when they were brothers. The younger days when they would hang out all the time. Shoot at cans he made fly up into the air. Eat at the Crashdown as Max watched Liz and Michael hoped for a glimpse of Alex. The days when the one he would call first if anything happened was Max. Too bad, he tells Max’s pod, that those days are long gone. Gone in the murder of three girls, gone in the guilt of covering up a murder they thought their sister had committed. Gone in the knowledge that Isobel was comfortable for ten years believing that Michael had killed three girls.

And doesn’t that just say one hell of a lot about what kind of person she thinks he is. Maybe he played up on it a little bit too, with all the drinking and bar fights and shit. But he still has issues with Isobel being comfortable with it. Not that he will ever tell her, especially now that Max is dead, and Noah is gone. Not now that he has succeeded in pushing away Alex, succeeded in fucking up whatever he had with Maria, and Rosa is back from the dead. He’s just tired of the world. So, he will sit here with his back against his pod, talk to a dead Max floating inside the pod and go to work when he has too.

“Mikey?”

He looks up at the sound of Liz’s voice, and gives her a small smile as his eyes finds her face. “Hey Liz.”

“You okay?” She asks, expression full of concern. Probably mostly for Max but he’s sure a little of it is for him. He’s made enough of a mess that he probably doesn’t deserve it, but it still feels good.

“No. You?”

“No.” She says as she walks over to him and sits down, leaning her head on her shoulder as she looks over at Max in the pod. Both of them have lost the great love of their lives, even if he lost his to stupidity and not death. Michael still wishes she didn’t have to feel the pain that she does.

“He looks so peaceful in there. Like he’s sleeping,” she whispers, her hand coming up to clutch his t-shirt as if she needs something to hold on to.

“He is peaceful. Probably not happy with himself for leaving you alone up in alien heaven or whatever, but he is peaceful for now. He should enjoy it while he can, cause it’s not gonna be peaceful for him when Izzy figures out how to bring him back,” he answers back, and gives himself a tiny pat on the back when Liz huffs out a laugh. It’s wet, dripping in sadness, but it’s still a laugh.

“She’s not the only one, I’m gonna rip him a new one when she does. Even Rosa is pissed that he more or less sacrificed himself for her. Idiota.”

“How is Rosa?” He asks, honestly curious. He hasn’t seen her since she came back.

“The way she’s always been, taking the bull by the horns and making it do her bidding. She’s with Alex right now, he’s making her new documentation so she can come back to life,” Liz replies nonchalantly as she continues watching Max in the pod.

“Yeah? That’s, uh… That’s good.” She looks up at him at the forced tone in his voice and winces slightly at whatever she finds there. Damn, he must look wrecked at just the mere mention of Alex if she reacts like that at the look on his face.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t-”

“Don’t. I made my bed, now I get to break my back in it. I’m glad Alex is helping, he’s good at it,” he says and gives her a small smile he knows is more sadness than anything else.

“I’m still sorry.”

“I know you are. But take care of them and don’t worry so much about me Liz.” He strokes the hair away from her face and presses a kiss to her forehead as her eyes fill with tears. Elizabeth Ortecho has always had too much empathy. It’s one of the reasons Max fell head over heels for her, but it also causes her great pain in the face of other people’s suffering.

“I don’t want you to be in pain, Mikey,” she says, looking up at him as tears starts trickling down her face.

“I deserve it this time. I hurt two people badly and broke their friendship because I was selfish. Let them hate me, Liz. I deserve it,” he replies, shushing her when she opens her mouth to argue. “I deserve it. So leave it.”

She looks at him for a long time, before she nods. Not because she believes him, but because she does have too much empathy. She knows he needs it. Knows that he needs to believe that Maria and Alex hate him. Knows that he needs to believe he’s ruined everything. Knows he needs to believe that for now, all hope is lost. Needs to blame himself for everything that goes wrong so he can shoulder all of it. Michael Guerin will always carry the weight of the world for everyone else. Even when he doesn’t have to.

“I can’t wait to yell at him about him being an idiot” she says instead, looking back over at Max.

“Me too Ortecho, me too,” he says with a sad huff of laughter. Hugging her tight as they stay together, leaning back against his pod, watching Max in his.

\-------------------------------

They meet up in the cave more often than not. Sitting on the ground together near Michael’s pod, they talk about pretty much everything and nothing at the same time. Michael shares stories of the Pod Squad when they were kids, young teenagers, and all the shit they would do together. Liz shares stories of her and Rosa, the whirlwind that was the Ortecho sisters and her trip across the country after she died. She talks about seeing the Grand Canyon for the first time, about the beaches of Venice, about the White House when there was a good President there. She talks about college, about getting her degrees and even about Diego. The fiancé no one knew existed.

Michael talks about his own dreams for college, about how he’s been doing an undergrad in Mechanical Engineering online over the years. He was this close to finishing when everything started happening, with her coming back into town and Max telling her their secret. He has an almost finished paper saved on an old, finicky laptop down in his bunker that he can finish up and send off to UNM.

“Why haven’t you?” Liz asks as she leans against Max’s pod. She misses him something fierce that day, the pain in her heart tenfold to what it usually is. It’s just one of those days where her sorrow is insurmountable. But it’s also been two months since he died, so that doesn’t help.

“I don’t know. It doesn’t feel like I deserve it right now, I guess?” Michael answers, shrugging in a way that’s supposed to hide the pain he’s carrying. But as always it doesn’t work. Especially when Liz can see right through him and his emotions.

“What? Of course you deserve it Michael.” Liz’s voice is fiery in her anger. “How can you ever think that you don’t?”

“I’m the reason my mom is dead. I’m the reason Max is dead. I’m the reason Maria and Alex are angry at each other, I probably ruined their friendship forever. I was so selfish, I only thought about myself and my own feelings. I killed 70 aliens who had been in captivity for 71 years because I wouldn’t think. Because I rushed into something and fucked up. I sent you away and Max was never happy again for ten years, I encouraged Izzy to go on a date with Noah, Alex enlisted because of me. Because I never think,” he says, tears gathering in his eyes as he remembers everything he has ever done wrong in ten years. “I’m a bad person, Liz. Bad people don’t get to have good things.”

Liz is quiet for a long time as she just looks at him. He feels her gaze deep into his soul, it’s a struggle not to look away.

“Do you really believe that? Is that how you see yourself?” She finally asks some time later. Her anger is gone, but something else has settled in her voice. Sorrow, maybe, pain if nothing else.

“It’s the truth.”

“What? No! No it’s not! Michael you are a good man! You know what I see when I look at you? Someone who protects the people around him with everything that he is. Someone who loves his family fiercely enough to take the blame for a murder he didn’t commit for ten years, just so his sister would have an easier time. Someone who gave up everything he ever wanted for them. I see someone who loves the man that left him behind so completely even after ten years that nothing could ever compete. Yeah, your move with Maria was not a good idea but you both owned up to that before anyone got seriously hurt. Mikey you didn’t ruin-”

“No! Don’t. Don’t tell me I didn’t ruin anything when I obviously did. I break everything I touch, Liz!” He yells back at her. He’s shivering, shaking with fear and he doesn’t know how to stop. He wants acetone, he wants bourbon, he wants music. But none of that will make the feeling in his stomach go away. “You can’t tell me I’m good when I’m not. I’m not. I’m not, _that _. I’ve never been that.”__

__“Michael!”_ _

__“Did you know the group home I stayed with when I first came to Roswell called a priest to come do an exorcism when I was 12? My powers, I couldn’t control them very well back then. Every time I got angry things would go flying. Mostly small things, a chair once or twice. But I never hurt anyone. I never hit anyone when I was throwing things around with my brain, no matter how angry I was. But they didn’t see that. They called me a devil child, they called me Damian and I couldn’t understand why. But the more scared they got, the angrier I got. I didn’t understand. I was 12, and humanity had already shown me the worst of itself. So when they held me down and burned the cross into my arm I let them. Because I really did think I was a devil child. And I’ve just been proving it ever since then.”_ _

__The cave is quiet after he stops speaking. He’s afraid to breathe because of what he just admitted so he just looks down and closes his eyes. He doesn’t want Liz to hate him too, but he needs her to know. He needs her to understand what he is, so that she won’t ever make the mistake of thinking he’s a good man again. He’s not._ _

__He’s not expecting the sound of crying. He looks up at Liz who has fat tears rolling down her cheeks as she looks at him. The grief on her face is plain to see and it breaks his heart. He put that there, with his stories. He opens his mouth to apologize, to suggest that he leave, but before he can he has a lap full of Elizabeth Ortecho. She’s clinging to him, her arms tight around her neck as she whispers I’m sorry over and over again into his neck. He doesn’t know what she’s apologizing for as she didn’t do anything wrong. But he still rocks her back and forth as she cries, giving her all the comfort he can muster. She deserves it after all, the girl with too much empathy._ _

__\-------------------------------_ _

__He’s late to the pods a random Wednesday, about three months (two months, three weeks, six days) after Max went in. He had to work extra, help Sanders with something at the junkyard that the old man didn’t want to do himself. He doesn’t mind, Sanders has always given him a chance when no one else would. Sanders is still a great mechanic even if he is more than half blind at this point. But sometimes he needs a third hand, or another pair of eyes. And Michael will always help him when he needs it. He owes him that much, owes Jean Sanders that as well with all the casseroles and cookies she leaves at his Airstream._ _

__He’s in a decent mood for the first time in a while, having gotten a lot done, as he walks into the cave, ready to greet Liz if she’s there. And as he walks into the cave, he hears her voice. She sounds a bit agitated, but he figures she’s reaming out Max again, which she has taken to doing when she needs to vent._ _

__“Hey Li-”_ _

__He stops abruptly, his eyes widening as he taken in the scene. His pulse quickens and his heart starts to race. He can feel the blood rush to his face as his hearing shorts out, his heartbeat the only thing he can hear. They’ve all heard him and are turned against him. Isobel, Liz, Kyle. Maria. And Alex. He sees Liz’s eyes widening as Isobel frowns. Probably from the fear she can feel through their bond. Because it’s the only feeling he has. It takes over him, spreading from the pit of his stomach out to his fingers, his toes, his shoulders. It grips his heart in a tight icy bond that paralyzes him completely. He can feel his breath starting to go, too quick and shallow as the panic he feels at seeing Maria and Alex for the first time in almost three months (two months, three weeks, five days) sets in. His vision swims in front of him, going black at the edges as the icy fear hits his brain. It’s all he can do to stay on his feet as everyone in the cave turns towards him. Liz eyes still wide and Isobel still frowning, while Kyle goes alert in a way he doesn’t want to think about. Even Maria starts to look worried while Alex sharpens, his entire posture going military man._ _

__“Michael!” Liz’s voice penetrates the pounding in his ear as she shifts as if to walk towards him. He flinches, a guttural, violent flinch he can’t hold back, and she freezes. He meets her eyes and wonders if she can see the panic that has started to set in at his fingertips. The numbing, prickling feeling that is slowly following the path of the icy fear that has him completely frozen._ _

__“Guerin.” Without him noticing it, Alex has moved closer to him. He’s only standing an arm’s-length away from him, worry and something he can’t understand in his eyes. He stands stock still looking at him, but as Alex lifts his foot to move one step closer, he finds that he can’t breathe. His breath catches in his throat and the fight or flight response he usually buries so deep inside reacts. He turns around and is out of the cave before he knows it, Alex’s shout of “Guerin!” follows him outside. He runs back to his truck, and throws himself in it, starting the engine with his telekinesis instead of a key, fear and panic still holding his everything hostage._ _

__He can’t breathe._ _

__The rational and logical part of his brain he knows he shouldn’t be driving. But he needs to get away from there, needs to get away from the icy dagger of fear in his heart, away from the crushing mountain of panic in his brain. He needs a safe place, somewhere he can hunker down where no one can see him. There’s only one place that will do, and as he drives into the junkyard five-ten-twenty minutes later, the Airstream is already moving and the hatch opening before he even parks the car._ _

__He all but jumps into the bunker, closing the hatch and moving the Airstream back over it before he’s even halfway down. He can still see them in his mind, see the looks on their faces as he walked into the cave. But the looks on their faces are twisted. Isobel in indifference, Liz in disgust, Kyle in pity, Maria in anger. And Alex in hatred. He sees their faces clear as day, hears Liz’s and Alex’s voices warped in anger and annoyance. He dry heaves as he throws himself down on the mattress he has in one corner of the bunker, nauseous and disgusted by his own inability to breathe properly. His heart is still racing, and he knows he needs to get it under control._ _

__It's not the first panic attack he has ever had, nor is it the worst one. But seeing everyone in the cave, a place that has been his safe place for weeks shocked him. It shocked him enough to send panic running through him easier than it ever has before. He knows deep down that the faces he sees, the tone of voice he hears is not what is true. He knows they all looked concerned in one way or another. But right now, he can’t deal with wondering why, he needs to calm down. He needs the dagger away from his heart, he needs the prickling away from his fingers and he needs the mountain away from his brain. He closes his eyes and reaches for the stars behind his eyes that hides the lockbox in his mind. The lockbox that hides his deepest fears, his deepest regrets, and his deepest love. He finds the complex math equations he’s hidden away in the same part his psyche for when he needs to calm down and concentrate on something else. He shuts out everything else, the guilt, the anger, the love, the hurt and the heartache. He concentrates on only on the flowing of numbers, letters and symbol that make up the math proof in his head. And slowly but surely the dagger melts, the prickling stops, and the mountain turns to dust. When he opens his eyes again, he is as numb as he can make himself be without anything liquid to help him. He’s numb enough to climb out of his bunker, into his Airstream and crash on his bed, falling into an exhausted slumber._ _

__\-------------------------------_ _

__He stays away from the caves for a few days (five) after that, ignoring his phone and holing up in the bunker when he’s not working. He responds to the prods down their bond from Isobel with firmly slamming down a mental wall. He doesn’t want to talk, he’s not ready to acknowledge why he panicked so badly. Isobel respect that and withdraws, though he still feels her loving touch every now and then. He knows that’s just her showing that she cares._ _

__Liz on the other hand does not give up. She calls at least twice a day and texts a few times more. She tells him that she’s sorry, that she didn’t think he would react like that and how awful she feels about it. She also texts him stories, the same kind she would tell him if they were sitting in the cave. It makes him feel oddly safe. Like she doesn’t blame him for ruining whatever they were doing that day._ _

__Kyle texts too, just a simple ‘Are you okay?’ It sets his nerves on fire, from the way he treated Kyle at Caulfield. He gets an ‘I’m sorry’ from Maria, which almost starts off another panic attack. Only by the grace of his stubbornness does he avoid one._ _

__On the sixth day, Alex texts him. It’s a simple ‘I hope you’re okay. Liz mentioned she hasn’t seen you at the caves or heard from you in five days’. It makes his heart race and his breath hitch. He doesn’t deserve it, the worry from them. So he leaves that unanswered too and hides himself away again._ _

__But they keep coming. Alex keeps texting him random things throughout the day. About how bored he is on base. How warm his BDU’s are. How unruly his beagle Wentz is being and how she keeps gnawing on his shoes instead of her bone. How his dinner tasted. How cold his beer is. What show he’s watching before bed. It confuses him, why Alex would care to text him random things about his day. But he finds that it helps, the random list of things. It calms him down in ways he wasn’t prepared for. And after a day of random texts (twenty four), he feels remarkably calmer than he has felt in a long while. It might just be the Alex of it all. Even in their darkest hours, no one calms him down like Alex Manes._ _

__He feels calm enough to text Liz and tell her he’ll be back at the caves tomorrow, calm enough to reach out to Iz and prod back at her with some reassurance, calm enough to text ‘I’m fine’ to Valenti. Calm enough to text Maria ‘You have nothing to be sorry about’. Calm enough to text Alex and say ‘Thank you’._ _

__Alex doesn’t reply to that one. But an hour later he sends him a picture of Wentz, lying on her back on the floor with her legs in the air and her tongue lolling out of her mouth with the caption ‘Look at this silly thing’. It makes him smile for the first time in days (months. Maybe even years)._ _

__\-------------------------------_ _

__He walks into the cave the next day with a heavy feeling in his heart. It’s not fear as such, more like trepidation. He doesn’t hear anything as he walks in and he’s relieved when he finds himself more alone than he was expecting to. Alone with his idiotic, dead brother. Floating naked in a pod. Sometimes his life is more comedic than he wishes it was. But he still sits down, with his back against his own pod, and talks to Max. He tells him about his days away from the pods. Tells him about his panic attack. Tells him how everyone seems to care even when he doesn’t deserve it._ _

__He talks about when they were 13 and ate their own body weight in cotton candy on a dare. About when they were 15 and stole Mr. Evans’ golf set and took it into the dessert to hit rocks around. About when they were 17 and everything fell apart._ _

__“She was comfortable, Max. Comfortable with thinking I killed three people. A comfortable lie. I don’t know how to feel about that.” He says, closing his eyes._ _

__“She actually said that?”_ _

__He turns around at looks at Liz. She’s standing at the entrance of the cave. Thankfully alone. He doesn’t know if he could handle more than her right now._ _

__“Yeah. The night Max told you about Rosa, I told Iz the truth.”_ _

__“Michael, that’s not. It’s not okay. Please don’t think that _that’s_ okay. Please,” Liz pleads, her eyes filling with tears as she walks towards him. _ _

__“You have to stop crying about me, Ortecho. It’s starting to give me a complex,” he replies, trying to make her feel better. He doesn’t want to be the cause of her tears. His brother has a good enough handle on that one._ _

__“I’m not crying about you; I’m crying for you. I brought everyone here to start a plan and seeing them sent you into a panic attack. I’m crying because you’ve been in so much pain for so long. And none of us noticed.” Her tears are falling freely now as she sits down next to him and takes his hand. He wants so badly to make her feel better. But he doesn’t know if he can. “How good are you at hiding, Michael Guerin, that no one noticed.”_ _

__“Someone did.” A smile so miniscule it can hardly be called a smile appears on his face. “You did. Alex did. Kyle, Isobel. Maria. Everyone of you noticed after. You know. You all reached out. I’ve never really had that.”_ _

__“But we noticed too late. We only noticed after we sent you running. **Running** , Michael. You ran away from us.”_ _

__“Yeah, well. Maybe losing Max took more of a toll on me than I thought. Losing my mom, losing someone that loved me unconditionally. Losing Alex. Maria.” He doesn’t want to talk about this, it makes his gut churn to even think about talking. But maybe it’s time that he starts. “In 24 hours I lost my mother, I lost my brother, I managed to scare away the love of my life, and I lost my friend and someone I could’ve liked as more than a friend. I break things. Easier than I want to, Liz.”_ _

__He looks her in the eye. “I don’t want to break things anymore.”_ _

__The look she gives him is physically painful, but he still holds her gaze. He can’t look away. He doesn’t want the world to crash down around him again._ _

__“What happened, with Alex and Maria?” She asks him, and he only gives her a confused look. “I know what they told me. But I want you to tell me.”_ _

__“I, uh… I died that day, I think. Noah killed me. And Max brought me back. It threw me for a loop, because I can remember dying. But then I woke up, and I followed the connection I have to Max and Izzy. There was a fight, and Max killed Noah. But before. before Noah died. Alex found me, in my trailer. I came there to change my shirt since mine was covered in blood. He wanted to talk, but I couldn’t. I had to get to the cave so I told him to come back the next day. And when we found Rosa. I was broken.” He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. He can’t look at her when he says this. “My mind was in pieces and all the stuff that happened just hit me at once. Caulfield, finding my mother, Alex telling me he loved me and refusing to leave as the alarm went off around us. He was gonna stay. Die, for me. But she saved us. She told me to run, because she loved me. And because she saw how loved I was.”_ _

__“But instead of going back to Alex, knowing that he was waiting for me at my trailer. I couldn’t. When I thought of him, the only thing going through my head was Jesse Manes. How being with Alex is a crash landing, and how much pain that love has caused me. So I drove to the Pony. To Maria who I knew felt something for me, and I used that to my advantage. I wanted easy, fresh, new love that wasn’t tainted by everything bad. So I kissed her. I played the guitar, and I kissed her again. I wouldn’t let her say anything even though I know we needed to talk. Alex walked in on us when we were kissing,” he says, opening his eyes again and slowly meeting Liz’s eyes. “You should’ve seen the pain in his face.”_ _

__“And then what?” Her voice is carefully neutral and in many ways he loves her for it._ _

__“I felt Max die. And I ran out of there like I had hellhounds at my feet. And I’ve avoided both of them ever since, besides a fucking text to Maria telling her I couldn’t do this. Both of them came to the junkyard the day after, and I just stayed in my trailer, hiding from them. What a stand-up guy, huh?”_ _

__“What do you wish you did?”_ _

__“I wish… I wish I went back to the Airstream. I wish I talked to Alex. I wish I didn’t play with Maria’s feelings just because I was selfish. I wish Max never died. I wish things were simple, that I wasn’t an abused, battered foster kid with too much baggage and so many messed up feelings. I want to wish Jesse Manes never existed but that would mean Alex never did either. I love Alex. I wanted to love Maria. I wish I hadn’t ruin any of that.”_ _

__“Michael. You didn’t. Maria and Alex are fine.”_ _

__He whips his head up so fast he can hear his neck crick. “What?”_ _

__“Isobel sat them down and told them everything. About aliens, about your family, everything. And then they talked, about everything else. Alex told her about your history with each other. Maria told him about yours. Neither of them hate you. Maria had a crush on you, and yeah, you could’ve been great together. Both of you know that. But I did too, because I told her it was okay for her to have feelings without knowing how you or Alex felt. But Alex loves you, and you love him. Don’t give up on that just because you think you don’t deserve it,” she tells him, a soft smile on her face._ _

__“But what if I don’t?”_ _

__“But what if you do?” she counters and smiles her brilliant Ortecho smile. The one that makes the earth calm down and makes everything beautiful. He knows in that moment why Max fell so hard for her. Why everyone should be proud to call her a friend if she cares as much as she does for him. It’s earth shattering, to know that he might deserve a friend like Liz Ortecho in his life. But maybe, with her at his side, he can start healing. Maybe he can apologize to Maria and get their friendship back. Maybe he can become friendly with Rosa, maybe even Kyle. Maybe he can finally start being there for Isobel and help her get Max back. Maybe he can finally find the same page Alex is on in the book of their life and stay there._ _

__“Yeah, what if I do,” he replies. And smiles back when she smiles even wider, knocking him over as she hugs him. It’s the first time he’s felt any kind of hope in a long time._ _


	2. Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It takes them longer than they want to admit to come up with a plan.

**HOPE**

It takes them longer than they want to admit to come up with a plan. Max has been in the pod for about 6 months (five months, two weeks, six days) when they do. Liz’s happiness over having Rosa back is shadowed by the anger festering in her gut from Max dying. She misses him fiercely still, but the anger is more present these days. Kyle, though overjoyed by a relationship with a sister he didn’t know he had, is trying his hardest to be the moral compass and support system of the group. He’s always there when they plan and test their powers, should they need him and his medical degree. The Pony, and Maria, has become a safe haven for all of them when they need somewhere to hang out and someone to talk to. Even Michael has found himself back at the bar a few times, enjoying the simple banter they’ve spent two months getting back. It’s still painful at times but they have to try,. Alex has been scouring the files found at Caulfield and Project Sheppard for anything that can be of help, while fearing that his dad will suddenly wake up. His brothers (Flint, Hunter, Harlan) have all been in touch to find out where Jesse is. And all of them were surprisingly calm, maybe even relieved, to know he’s in a coma.

Isobel is scraped raw by the missing connection in her head, Michael as well. Neither of them are natural healers like Max is, both their powers sets are in a much more violent tone. Michael’s is made to be destructive and Isobel’s can be. While Isobel took to telekinesis easily enough with some practice, and Michael has managed to get Kyle to remove his shirt a couple of times, they still struggle. But their frustration holds them back, getting the better of them when they should be pushing through it.

So when Michael gasps loudly, they all know something has happened. They’re all in the cave, including Rosa, and watching as the telltale red glow appears in Michael’s hand. All of them just watch as Michaels holds it for a few (ten) seconds before it disappears. Everyone holds their breath to see if he can do it again, Kyle standing by if something goes wrong. But about a minute after he does it the first time, he manages it again. His hand starts glowing red and he holds it for another minute. A cheer goes through the cave as Michael grins at them, accepting the bottle of nail polish Kyle hands over and drinks from it as he lets Dr. Valenti do his job of checking his pulse and listening to his heart. They’re always fine, but Kyle needs it to reassure Team Human, and himself, that they’re safe, so they let him.

“How did you do it?” Isobel asks. Their connection is vibrating in his head, her excitement and hope like a beacon.

“Love.” He replies. His voice is low, and he knows he sounds unsure. But he’s not. His love for Max was glorious in his mind the first time his mind lit up. Them at 14 at a carnival, riding roller coasters until Max had to puke, was at the forefront of his mind. But he couldn’t hold it long enough with just that, because of how angry he is at him for everything.

“For Max?” Isobel asks in obvious surprise. They both know how pissed they are at Max, even if they love and miss him.

“The first time. Not the second.”

“Then what?” Isobel asks. She’s in investigative mode now. And Michael knows he won’t be able to not answer her.

“Iz, maybe Michael doesn’t want to answer with everyone here-” Liz starts, but Michael doesn’t need her to protect him. Even if he loves her dearly for it.

“Alex.” He says before he can change his mind. He meets the gaze of the person in question and is met by wide, shock-filled eyes. They haven’t talked about anything yet, the trauma is still too fresh in both their minds to even begin to consider a _them_. They’ve hurt each other too much and too hard to just start over and they both know it. Their tentative connection nowadays is filled with texts. Random texts throughout the day, random pictures of something they think the other would like, small smiles when they meet each other when the group hangs out. An awkward beer at the Pony before Alex huffs out an annoyed breath and starts talking about what a bunch of dick-heads his squad is now that he’s going to be honorably discharged in two months. Apparently, they don’t want their Captain to leave and they have not been quiet in letting him know.

_I love him. I probably always will_. The words he told Izzy echoes through their connection as her mind casts back to that day. He nods, his unease evident. And it grows as he feels the tendrils of anxiety take over. But Izzy clamps down hard on them and refuses to let them go. She’s not letting Michael have another panic attack over something he should not be anxious about.

“So it’s true love. That’s how he heals. That’s why he couldn’t heal Rosa the first time, but why he had no trouble resurrecting her the second time.” She says, her mind already running a mile a minute.

“I doubt Max Evans feels true love for me,” Rosa says in her haughty voice. But something in it is trembling, like she knows what Isobel is saying.

“Of course not. But he does love Liz. He truly, completely loves her. And he loved her enough to bring you back. Just like he brought her back in the diner back then. If true love is the answer, then channeling that should be enough.”

Michael knows he should be helping as Isobel and Liz start forming a plan, Kyle and Maria entering the discussion with thoughts from a physician and psychic point of view. He’s the one that did it, kick-started a power they’ve been struggling with for months. But his eyes are still locked on Alex, who’s looking back at him just as intensely. He wishes Max told him about how it felt to be connected to Liz. If it feels anything like the cosmic thing that happens whenever he and Alex look at each other. The overpowering force that makes it so easy to remember the love and not the hurt. 

He feels warmth fill his hand and looks down briefly to see it once again glow red. He looks back at Alex who’s looking at his hand. He feels a flash of something deep in his gut, and recoils slightly when the lights they’ve set up in the cave flickers. 

“Hate,” he murmurs quietly to himself. Alex is looking at him again, and he sees him swallow as he murmurs the word. As if he can read the feeling in this connection. Michael shakes his head slightly at him to tell him that the hate he feels is not for Alex. But Alex already knows, because he nods minutely with a tiny smile on his face. The tiniest smile of complete understanding. Both of them know exactly who Michael feels the hate for. There is only person in the world that could bring forward something fuelled by hate in Michael. Just as there is only one person that could bring forward something fuelled by pure love. The fact that both of their last names is Manes is bad luck, nothing more, nothing less.

Michael might feel guilty, vulnerable, shame and pain in his love for Alex, but it will never be anywhere near hate. Michael can’t help but be relieved that Alex knows that.

The discussion is still going on around them, with Isobel apparently having plucked the hate part of the equation out of his brain. They are forming a plan that hinges on Isobel also unlocking Max’s abilities. She’ll have no trouble with the hate, Michael knows, but love might take her a bit longer. Isobel has never really opened herself to fully love someone besides her siblings. But Michael knows she can do it. And they both know Michael has too much anger for Max to do this alone.

But he wonders if he could heal Alex if he had to. He hopes he never has to find out.

“Okay, let’s just leave this for now and go home. We all need to get some rest if we’re going to be testing this out all of tomorrow.” Kyle speaks up, once again the caretaker of the group. The one that sends them home when he knows they all need a break, from this, and from each other. It happens, all of them are human in one way or another. They all give murmurs of consent, Maria and Isobel leaving together first (and isn’t that interesting). Rosa and Kyle leave shortly after that, when Kyle has done another pulse check on Michael to see if everything is okay. Liz goes over to the pod and leans her forehead against it for a minute, before she too leaves after throwing Michael a very significant look. A ‘be careful and don’t be stupid’ look. She always gives him that look these days, after he smashed a beaker in his hands when he wasn’t paying attention, during one of their lab meets.

And then, there’s just the two of them. Well the two of them and a giant pod with the floating, naked body of Michael’s brother. Which is more hilarious than it should be. But maybe this is the world’s way of telling Michael that his life is pretty fucked up. The beautiful man standing in front of him is the son of the man that has inflicted more pain on Michael than anyone should ever have to cope with. He took his love away from him, tortured and destroyed his mom and any other family he might have had besides Isobel and Max, he’s had him stalked and listed as a terrorist for years. He crushed his hand beyond repair just for loving his son. Max might have healed his hand, but he will never get full feeling or range of motion back again according to Kyle. The scars are gone, but the psychological trauma will never be healed nor will the phantom pain. It still seizes the way it used to. And Michael is willing and able to live with that for the rest of his life. He didn’t want it to be healed, but now that it is, he feels kind of relieved that he can never get fully rid of the emotions or pain of the injury. Having the scars didn’t make him any less of a man. Not having the scars, but still having the chronic pain doesn’t make him less of one either.

“Guerin?”

Michael pulls himself back from inside his own mind and looks at the man standing in front of him. He wishes, like he has so many times before, that Alex wasn’t as beautiful as he is. He wishes that his heart didn’t beat a little harder when he looks at him, that his lips doesn’t tug up in a smile. That he didn’t itch to touch him. Didn’t itch to kiss him and hold him in his arms. Didn’t itch to undress him and worship his body like it deserves to be worshipped. But he does want all of those things. So even if he wishes sometimes that he didn’t, he’s still much happier that he does.

“Michael?!”

Alex’s voice is a bit more urgent now, and he pulls himself out of his wishes to see that Alex has moved closer to him. Alex is watching him carefully, though his ears are red in the way they are when he’s having less than vanilla thoughts, his eyes flickering down to Michael’s mouth every now and then. He walks closer still, stopping when he’s within touching distance. Neither of them reach for each other, but they don’t really have to. Their eyes and body language tell them exactly what they need to know, and if it didn’t, the crackling energy of mutual attraction between them would.

“Why is it, that whatever happens, whatever we do to each other and however we are hurt, seeing each other makes everything better?”

A small smile slipped on Alex’s face. “I think you called it cosmic.”

“I did, didn’t I.” Michael’s hand is shaking as he brings it up to Alex’s face, shaking further still when he places it on Alex’s cheek. His entire body is shaking, trembling, as he places his other hand on Alex’s other check, trembling as he takes a tiny step closer, trembling as he leans his forehead against Alex. Alex’s hands clutch his upper arms, thumbs rubbing soothing circles through his shirt.

“Alex, I’m-”

“Don’t. You don’t have to say anything. I know how sorry you are, I know you didn’t mean to hurt me. I didn’t mean to hurt you either. It’s okay to be traumatized, Michael. You don’t ever have to apologize for that. Least of all to me,” Alex whispers into the small space between them.

“Can we start over?”

“One day we will. When Max is back from the dead, when you can look at me and not see my last name. When I can look at you and not see you kissing Maria.” Michael tries to pull back but Alex doesn’t let him. “Until then, we work on being friends. We build a foundation for what comes next. And when both of us are ready for that cosmic connection of ours to soar, we’ll start over. And it’s going to be beautiful, Michael. You and me, we’re going to be beautiful.”

“Can I kiss you?” Michael asks. He needs the affirmation that one day they will get to that point, needs to know that Alex still wants him. Needs to know that he hasn’t fucked up completely. And as always Alex, gorgeous, fearless Alex understands just what he’s asking and meets his lips in the softest kiss they’ve ever had. It’s filled with love, with hope, with joy and with anticipation of what comes next. Both of them pour everything they need the other to know into the kiss. In human time it doesn’t last long (five seconds), in their connection it lasts for a lifetime.

They break apart, they step away from each other and out of the cave. They go to their own cars; they drive away from the cave and each other. But they spend the night texting, sending pictures and stupid jokes and anecdotes they think the other would like. It’s easy, it’s vaguely flirty, and it’s just what they need to start their road of being comfortable with each other again.

\-------------------------------

Sometimes Michael forgets just how determined his sister is. How fiercely independent and headstrong Isobel Evans ~~Bracken~~ is now that she’s lived her life for a long time away from the overshadowing presence that is Ann Evans. Ann has always been an amazing mother to Isobel and Max, Phil an amazing father. But Michael knows that some of Isobel’s more colorful and domineering personality traits is Ann Evans through and through. But she wears them like marks of pride and has learnt a great many things from her mother and those traits.

Knowing this, he shouldn’t be surprised when she shows up a few days (three) after he figured out how to activate Max’s power in the cave. She called him the day after and told him she would be by when she was ready to understand love. He didn’t really get what she meant then, besides knowing he was right and she needed to work on the hate part first.

He figured it out later. While Izzy loved Noah, her love for him was never encompassing like Max’s love for Liz, or his own for Alex. And now that she’s been betrayed in the worst way by him, she doesn’t know if she can love enough to activate the healing portions of Max’s power. 

She drives up to the Junkyard where he is elbow deep in the greasiest part of an engine. Oil is covering his arms and probably some of his face too, but this car was giving Sanders too much grief, so he took over the job. But he withdraws when he hears Isobel’s car, watching as she gets out of the car. Immaculate as she always is. If he didn’t know her and the look in her eyes he would say that she is doing fine. But he does, so he knows she’s not. Her eyes are just the wrong shade of red, her smile the tiniest piece wobbly. Isobel might be the best at pretending she is fine, but he can always see through her. 

“I figured out hate.” Her voice is slightly wobbly, as if she’s been crying but doesn’t want to admit it. 

“I figured you would.”

“I can’t do love.” And he hears exactly what she’s trying to say. She doesn’t know if she’s worthy of it, having a serial killer in her house and not stopping home for all those years. She doesn’t know how she could have fallen in love with a man that used her so completely. She worries, maybe even hopes, that she will never fall in love again.

“You will,” he says, and the absolute conviction brings tears to her eyes. She runs at him, and in a move completely different for her, throws himself in his arms. Oil on his arms and all. He embraces her as lovingly as he can, while pushing all his love for her down their bond. She chokes on a sob, but pushes back her love for him, clear and bright as the night sky. It’s completely different than his love for Alex, for Max, for Liz, even Kyle, Maria and Rosa. But it’s still so very sweet to be in the arms of his sister, surrounded by her love.

“Tell me how I activate it,” Iz says as she pulls away, frowning slightly at the oil smeared on her previously white shirt but she doesn’t actually say anything.

“How about I show you?” The look she sends him is questionable at best. “Look inside my head. I can show you exactly what I was feeling.”

“But your mind is…”

“I know, Iz.” And he truly does know, he has to live with it. “I know how chaotic it is. But I can guide you so you don’t have to worry.”

“Will I be seeing Alex Manes naked?” she asks. With a bit of interest in her voice, which is surprising.

“No.” He tries not to laugh at her small pout. “But I’ll show you everything else. I’ll show you my love for you and Max. My love for our friends. I’ll show you my love for Alex, and his love for me.”

“You can do that?”

“Show you his love for me? Yeah. Our feelings for each other has never been the issue, Iz. The world has just been in the way.”

Her gaze turns nervous, and he gets it. Isobel has been in his brain only once before, and she almost got lost in the chaotic entropy that resides there. He still remembers how she cried when she came out, clinging to him as she sobbed her fury out into the world, grieving over the amount of anxiety, hurt and pain that resided in his head. Still resides there. He’s going to have to take her to his lockbox for this to work, where he can only show her the love and keep everything else out.

“Come on Iz, I’ll protect you from the deep, dark abyss of my psyche,” he says with a cheeky grin both of them know he doesn’t really feel. But she still huffs out a laugh and nods, so he takes that as a good sign. “Just hold onto my hand and I’ll guide us where we need to go.”

She breathes deeply, closing her eyes for a few seconds (fifteen) as she centers herself. She takes both of his hands as she opens her eyes again, looking deeply into his eyes. He feels everything quiet down, and then they’re in his mind.

It’s pure chaos. It always is. Tornadoes and earthquakes and lightning storms crash together, forming an endless tidal wave of entropy, unsafe and full of rage. Isobel lets out a sound so close to a whimper that he looks over at her.

“It’s worse than before.” He doesn’t have to ask what she means. The last time she ever saw the inside of his mind was when they were 15 and 15-year-old Michael had issues, trauma and pain. 28-year-old Michael is so saturated by it that he doesn’t know if his mind will ever be quiet again.

“As long as you’re in here with me, nothing can hurt you,” he says, trying to reassure her. She still looks unsure, but she squeezes his hand and nods. Her determination has always been her biggest strength. He leads her through the storms in his mind, watching her as she looks around at the chaos. Watches her face go through a million different expressions, from rage, to sorrow, to shock. She takes it all in, the relentless destruction in his mind, with a keen eye and pursed lips.

“I can see why hate wasn’t difficult for you either,” she says, as they walk past a tornado bearing the echo of Jesse Manes. Michael doesn’t say anything, knowing that the chance of her seeing what happened both in the shed and Caulfield is inevitable. His love for Alex is part of what she came her to see. And to show her that he has to show her why he hates Jesse Manes, and just how he gets past that when it comes to his son.

“Come on, we’re almost there,” he says as they’re where he wants them to be. Beyond the storms, tornadoes and earthquakes, the starry skies of Earth reside in his mind. The lockbox with all the things he wants to protect rests amongst said starry skies, and he brings it forward with a simple wave of his hand.

“What is that?”

“These are my deepest, darkest secrets, Iz. I promised I’d show you love, and I will. But when I open this, you’re gonna see some painful stuff too. Just… Don’t be afraid, okay. It’s all in the past.” And with those words, he flings open the lock on the box. Memories, feelings, fragments of touch and broken things fling themselves out of the box, causing a maelstrom of emotion to rush through him. He hears Isobel’s deep gasp, feels her grip his hand even tighter and he knows she sees it too

_\- Laughing with Max, running around the Evans yard playing with water guns when they are 14, Isobel behind them on the patio laughing. Until one of them sprays her with water, then all bets are off as she joins them and his stomach hurts from laughing so much-_

_-Coming home to his foster father yelling at how wet he is, hitting him so he falls hard on the floor, wondering, wishing, he could stay with Max and Iz forever-_

_\- Teasing Max as he yet again watches Liz Ortecho with a forlorn look on his face, his 15-year-old frame already too tall and lanky to contain his everything, clumsy as a newborn gazelle. Isobel watching them, joining in on the teasing and watching them with a soft smile on her face –_

_\- Making Liz leave after Rosa dies, watching the heartbreak on Max’s face, knowing that their friendship is essentially over, lying to Isobel about what happened-_

_\- Alex Manes, smiling at him as he bites his lower lip. The rush of something he can’t explain, but that makes him smile back because how could he not-_

_\- Sleeping in his truck because he’s afraid to go to a house that is not a home-_

_\- Kissing Alex for the first time in the museum and how good it made him feel, going back to the shed and having a perfect first time-_

_\- Jesse catching them, smashing his hand-_

_\- Isobel, KateJasmineRosa, taking the blame, Comfo-_

_\- Liz Ortecho, working with her in the lab and her brilliant smile and her empathy, making him feel like he’s part of her family-_

_\- Maria DeLuca, bantering and their friendship over the years, giving him a sort of home at the Pony-_

_\- Telling her about Alex and what he actually means to him after he fucked up with them both. Maria crying and hugging him, telling him he’s a lovable idiot and she will do everything in her power to make it right with Alex. For both of them-_

_\- Kyle Valenti, once a tormenter, now someone he enjoys bantering with. Having a beer together as Kyle tries to make him laugh. Kyle being a doctor and taking care of them whenever they need him to-_

_\- Rosa Ortecho, bringing him crazy designs and asking him if he can mechanical genius engineer them to take his mind off of everything-_

_\- Alex leaving for the Air Force-_

_\- Alex coming home missing a leg-_

_\- Caulfield. Finding his mom-_

_\- Losing her in less than a minute-_

_- **Maybe, but you are mine** -_

_- **We’ve lived ten years in a comfortable lie** -_

Isobel suddenly wrenches herself out of his head so fast that he gasps, a deep cough coming from the pit of his stomach as he wrangles every memory back in the lockbox and locks it tight, sending it back among the stars as he leaves his mindscape behind, opening his eyes to find Isobel staring at him in shock.

“We’ve lived ten years in a comfortable lie. I said that. To you. And it’s so painful that you’ve locked it away in a box hidden in your brain,” she says, her voice so tight and close to breaking that it hurts to hear it.

“Iz-”

“That’s not what I meant! I wasn’t comfortable with you being a killer!”

“ _Iz_ ”

“I just meant that we lived comfortably in a lie where Rosa killed them, that we didn’t have anything to do with it. That we weren’t to blame in any way.”

“Okay, but-”

“Michael, I never meant to hurt you, I was just. Part of me always knew it wasn't you, I knew because you’re not a killer and I was just relieved that you weren’t and-”

“Isobel! Look at your hand!”

Isobel lifts her hand slowly to her face, shaking as she watches the red glow in her palm. 

“You’re not feeling an inch of hatred right now. That’s all love. All the love in my head is intertwined in pain, but the love is always so much stronger. That’s how I activate it. But yours… it’s pure, Iz. You love me so much that you needed me to know. You need Max back because you love him and miss him. You need Liz, Kyle, Maria and Rosa to be okay because you’re starting to love them too. And you need Alex and me to be okay, because you love him and you love us, together.” The incredulous look on her face makes him smile. “You’re not the only one that can see into someone's head anymore, Iz.”

Isobel looks at her glowing hand one more time before she throws herself into Michael’s arms. She’s crying, deep, guttural sobs of grief, joy and a general need to cry. Michael knows she hasn’t really allowed herself to cry about everything. Another of Ann Evans’ teachings; be strong, always. It has served her well, as has the second part of that teaching; until you’re with someone you don’t have to be strong with. He loves that he can be that for her, for all their friends. 

“I swear I didn’t mean it. I’ve been hoping for ten years that you didn’t kill them, because I always knew you didn’t. I’m so sorry I made you think that you killing someone was more comfortable to me than anything else,” she says against his neck, sobs almost making her words not understandable. But he knows what she means. 

“I’m not gonna say it’s fine, because it’s not. But I still get it, okay?”

And that makes her move back from him, her hands sharp points on his shoulders. “Michael, you don’t have to get it. I hurt you, even if it was never my intention. Please don’t let me off the hook just like that.”

“Okay,” he says. “Okay, I’ll make you grovel for it.”

“Good. I deserve it.”

She lifts her hand from his shoulder, giggling through her tears as it glows red with a simple thought. He lifts his own hand and thinks of her, Max, Liz, Rosa, Kyle, Maria. Alex. And it glows a brilliant red. They look at each other, Isobel with her need and Michael with his pain. They can do it. They can bring back Max. 

\-------------------------------

It still takes them another few weeks (two weeks, four days) before they even attempt to bring Max back. Kyle is in full on Doctor mode and refuses them to do anything without testing their new abilities in any way they can. For Michael, who has always had the most control over his own abilities, using someone else's comes pretty easily. He blows out a couple of lightbulbs in testing the hate portion and heals a bruise or two on Isobel before Kyle lets him go with a grumble, satisfied with his ability to control everything.

Isobel, however, takes longer. She can do the hate portion just fine, even if she tends to short out lights easily, but healing is still pretty hard for her. She’s never flexed her power the way Michael has, never trained with it daily to get a base control even if she uses it like she was born to do it. Which admittedly she was. But it still takes a lot out of her, just healing a simple bruise. It makes her vomit hard, gives her shakes and a need for acetone to calm herself down. She doesn’t like it, Michael likes it even less. For once she is not in control and he is, something none of them are completely comfortable with.

So the first time they try it backfires. Michael can hold a steady connection to the healing power, but Izzy fizzles out after a while (thirty seconds) and spends the next few minutes (seven) puking her guts out, crying and raging at her inability to hold it. After she is too exhausted to try again, so Michael and Kyle get Max back in the pod. While Isobel fumes next to it, Maria and Rosa watch in sorrow, Alex stands firm like a soldier by the cave opening and Liz cries openly, rivulets of tears running down her cheeks. She doesn’t make a noise, doesn’t move or do anything. She just cries, watching Max once again float in the pod.

Michael feels the familiar rearing of guilt and defeat in his head and takes a few deep breaths so he doesn’t break down again. But Liz doesn’t let him wallow. She looks over at him, eyes still full of tears, and smiles. It’s a simple smile, full of sorrow but there’s still hope in her eyes.

“You can do it. You both can. I know it,” she says, looking between Isobel and him.

“It doesn’t feel like it. It just feels like _failure_.” Isobel’s voice is sharp, cutting in her anger. It makes Michael flinch minutely even though he knows she’s not talking about his failure.

“It’s not a failure. It’s a learning cure. It’s not your power, right? Then accept that you need to learn how to use it, niña,” Rosa says, in a voice just as sharp as Isobel’s. Isobel just looks at her, thunderclouds still evident on her face. Besides Rosa, Maria sighs loudly before she walks over to Isobel and sits down with her.

“Iz, you can do this. Guerin learnt how to, so you can do it too. It’s okay if it takes you a while. There’s nothing wrong with you just because you need to work on it,” Maria says in a low voice. Her hands move to cup Isobel’s cheek, drying the tears there with her thumbs. She’s smiling, a tiny tilt of her lips that seem to make Isobel feel better because she nods while her hands come up to remove Maria’s from her face. But she doesn’t let go and just keeps looking at Maria. If Michael had any doubts that something was going on between his sister and ex-something, he doesn’t any more. Isobel is looking at Maria the way he looked at Alex in the very beginning. He glances at Alex and he’s pretty sure he’s thinking the same thing, as he looks at them with a wry smile before turning his gaze to Michael. The look they share isn’t long (seven seconds) but it still makes Michael’s heart thump just a little bit harder.

“Maybe you need to heal someone else. Someone human.” They all turn to Kyle as he speaks up. “Think about it, maybe another connection to someone who loves you, Max and Michael will help boost your power.”

Isobel looks vaguely nauseous at the thought but still nods slowly. “But who?”

“I’ll do it.” Michael turns his head slowly to Alex. Still standing at parade rest by the entrance to the cave. “I already have a bruise you can get heal and I’ve been in love with the same guy for ten years. I can separate love from my anger easily, it’s what I’m used to.”

An icy tendril of something starts at the small of Michael’s back, racing out to his hands and feet, coiling itself at the base of his skull.

“Alex-”

“Rosa doesn’t know you well enough yet, Maria is already psychic and it would be too much with all the pain you’re feeling right now. Kyle needs to be our backup for when you do it and Liz. You have too much anger and grief in you right now to separate everything. I’ll do it.”

“But you love Michael, not Max.” Isobel replies.

“Yes. But love is love. You’re not channeling who I love, you’re just channeling the love itself. It’ll work.” He sounds so completely sure that Michael has trouble breathing. Liz is crying again, her eyes filled with gratitude and something that Michael can only describe as heart eyes. A look at the others show that all of them, even Isobel, are looking at Alex with affection and respect. And he can’t handle it.

“Alex.” Alex must hear whatever he wants to say in just his name because he finally abandons his post at the mouth of the cave and walks over to him.

“Guerin, it’s safe. Isobel won’t hurt me.”

And he knows that. He knows that Isobel won’t hurt Alex. But she did hurt him, and she loves him more than anyone besides Max. It scares him. He did promise Isobel that he would let her grovel, seems like that starts now. He looks at her and finds that she’s up on her feet, looking at him with determination in her eyes. She knows as well as he does that he will never forgive her if something happens to Alex while they’re connected.

“You better be careful.” He doesn’t need to say anything else, as Isobel accepts his words for what they are; a warning and him trusting her with the most precious human in Michael’s life.

“Michael.” He looks back at Alex who lifts his hands to bury them in Michael’s curls, tugging lightly so their foreheads fall against one another. “It’ll work.”

He closes his eyes and surrenders himself to the feeling of Alex gently running his fingers through his hair. It’ll work. It has to.

\-------------------------------

Leaving Alex that night is the hardest thing he’s done in a while (six months, 1 week, six days). Since he fucked up and left Alex sitting at his trailer alone. The tendrils of ice in his skull don’t let up, leaving him on the edge of panic the entire night. Liz knows, the way she always does, and stays in the cave with him as everyone leaves, telling stories of her and Rosa when they were six, eight, ten. Isobel sends reassurance down their bond, and images, impressions of where she is sitting at the Pony with Maria and Rosa. The handful of texts Alex sends him tells him Alex and Kyle are at the cabin watching movies. Knowing that Iz and Alex are nowhere near each other helps, even though he hates that he’s being so distrustful of Isobel. If he was being honest with himself he would say that it’s mostly because he doesn’t want to see a handprint on Alex’s skin that isn’t his own. But he doesn’t leave handprints so he won’t be honest. Not even with himself. 

It doesn’t stop the nervousness he feels. He knows Isobel will do whatever it takes to keep Alex safe. She tells him as much and Isobel is not a liar. But he still makes her heal his own bumps and bruises a few more (five) times before he even let’s her near Alex. They’re at Isobel’s house, two days after their failed attempt and as usual everyone is there. It’s what they do now, stay together for any big thing. 

Isobel is fidgeting, playing with the bracelet she’s wearing in a way that betrays how she feels. He can feel her worry, the _what if’s_ she’s going through in her head. Maria is sitting next to her and radiating a calm even he feels in his bones. Rosa, Liz and Kyle are standing nearby, watching Alex who is sitting down across from Isobel. Alex is the calmest of them all. Like he has no worries about this. Maybe he doesn’t, Michael is probably worrying enough for everyone. 

“Are you- Are you sure?” Isobel asks. 

Alex just nods. “I wouldn’t have volunteered if I wasn’t.”

Isobel mimick’s Alex’s nod, sharp and to the point, before she gets up and walks over to Alex, who is taking his shirt off. And a shirtless Alex, with a lot of people around, is not good for Michael who can’t seem to stop looking.

He doesn’t have to, because there is no way he’s going to look away as Isobel lays her palm over Alex’s heart. He feels Isobel reach out to him in his head, and he gives her what she needs. She’s nervous where he’s calm, she’s frightened where he’s determined. She’s lonely and he’s _there_. He’s right by her side, the way he has always been. Isobel inhales deeply, reaches within herself and pushes. Her hand goes red, she closes her eyes and Michael knows she can do this.

Then suddenly, a short moment later (one minute), there he is. Isobel gasps as the connection settles. So does Michael. He hears Kyle shouting, asking for a status update but all he can feel is _Alex_. The mental door in his connection with Isobel is wide open and he can feel what she feels, and all she can feel is Alex. Endless, beautiful love. So much love, and compassion, hope, joy and affection. 

He feels it throughout his entire being when Isobel starts to cry but all he can do is look at Alex. At this gorgeous, amazingly _perfect_ man that loves Michael with everything he has, who loves their group of friends with such passion that it renders him completely unable to speak. He knew Alex loved him, of **course** he knew. But he didn’t think it was this much. His own love is always tinged with pain, but Alex’s is strong, all consuming, flowing endlessly and so very pure. He follows the connection and pushes his own love for Alex back at him, hoping beyond hope that he can feel it. And Isobel, even as she’s crying and looking at Alex with so much gratitude, takes a hold of his love and sends it down her connection with Alex. He can see the moment it hits, as Alex’s eyes widen and find his. 

And for a moment (forever; he will never forget) he’s locked into their love. Their cosmic, everlasting love that survived Jesse Manes, that survived the military, that survived 10 years of them being apart. It has survived pain, heartbreak, mistakes, bad communication. It’s survived a stupid alien and a stubborn Airman. It’s the most amazing thing he has ever felt; it cements something in both of them. It makes their connection even more real. 

He exits the moment, to find that Isobel has staggered back to sit next to Maria. Alex is still standing, the fluorescent handprint sparkling on his chest.

“Can someone **please** tell me that all of you are okay?”

“We’re fine, Kyle. The handprint is working. It just… connected me to Michael too. I can feel them both.” Alex replies and he looks totally calm, but Michael knows he's not; he can hear the way Alex's voice is quavering slightly, he can see the way his throat works before he speaks.

“What do you mean you can feel them both?”

“Michael and Isobel have a bond. It must be open enough for both their feelings to be felt by Alex.” Liz says. 

“How does it feel?”

“It’s, uh. Overwhelming.”

Michael can’t help but flinch at that and reigns himself back from the connection. He tries to close the mental door but Isobel, who’s stopped crying and is just basking in the emotions she’s feeling, won’t let him. “He didn’t say it was bad.”

“What, no. It’s a lot, but not bad. Guerin- _Michael_ , it’s not bad.” He doesn’t believe him but he does stop trying to shut the door. Alex’s lips quirk as he puts his shirt back on. “I don’t mind feeling you. Trust me.”

He doesn’t trust himself to speak, so settles for an inclination of his head. But Isobel is watching them and she speaks for him. “He doesn’t. But we’ll show him.” 

She looks way to sure about that, as does Alex. Having the two of them share emotions for a week might be rough, now that he actually thinks about it.

“Ay dios mio. Everyone is fine then? We can ressurect Take Two?” Rosa asks as she has obviously lost patience with them by now. Liz softly hits Rosa in the shoulder, but the formerly oldest - now youngest - Ortecho sister just rolls her eyes.

“The connection seems to be holding steady without any complications, though I’d like to keep an eye on it overnight, just to be sure. But if everything is fine, we’ll try again tomorrow.” Everyone nods at Kyle’s words. Tomorrow, then.

\-------------------------------

He’s the first person to arrive the next morning. He doesn’t have to work and he just wants to spend some time with Max before they try again. Liz, apparently, has the same idea as she stumbles in not long after (30 minutes). She’s obviously just woken up and has a thermos and a few take away boxes with her. He doesn’t blame her; it’s definitely a hot chocolate and churro pancakes kind of day.

“Figured you’d be here, so I brought you some too,” she says, handling him one of the boxes.

“Thanks.”

“De nada.”

They sit next to each other the way they always do, watching the pods and Max in his. He feels the drum of anticipation under his skin, the familiar icy tendrils of anxiety and panic coiling under his skin, moving in him restlessly. He wants his brother back so he can yell at him, maybe even scream some of his frustration out.

“Can I ask you something?”

He turns towards Liz. “Sure.”

“You mutter numbers under your breath sometimes. Like you’re counting how long something takes. I was just wondering why?”

“I didn’t know I was doing that,” he mumbles. 

“You don’t have to answer.”

“No, it’s okay. It’s just… numbers calm me down, I guess? My entropy quiets with three things. Music, engines and numbers. I like lab work too, but I can lose myself in an engine. In the numbers and calculations. Music is rhythm and beats and notes. All of them numbers in their own way. Numbers make me feel comfortable.”

Liz humms. “What about Alex?”

He looks at her as he considers his answer. “Alex is the entire numerical spectrum. He’s zeroes and ones. He’s three point one four. He’s forty two.”

Liz is silent for a long time (nine minutes) after he speaks. He knows she understands, though. She's a scientist like him. Mathematics, like chemistry, is a universal constant, the building blocks of everything; the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end.. “And here I thought Max was the poet.”

Michael snorts. “Yeah, he still is. You just think that’s poetic cause you’re a nerd.”

“Yes well. I’m still wondering how no one noticed that you’ve been in love for ten years.”

“Max did.” The surprised look in Liz’s eyes was exactly how he felt. Though by this point he’s got a tiny bit more anger than surprise. “I know. My idiotic brother noticed at Prom, and didn’t say anything. I was as surprised as you.”

“He’s known that long?”

“Apparently.”

“Estoy impresionada.” Her gaze shifts over to Max. “I miss him.”

“I know. I do too. But don’t tell him that.”

“I won’t.”

They sit together in mostly silence after that, sharing the hot chocolate Liz brought. They’re joined by the others as it gets closer to noon; Kyle and Rosa arrive first, Maria and Isobel after and then, finally, Alex. 

“The bond seems to be holding steady, so if we want to do this I think now would be the time.” As usual, Kyle is all doctor. “If anyone wants to back out this is the time.”

No one says anything. “Okay, Resurrection Take Two is a go.”

Still no one talks. Instead they send each other reassuring smiles. Maria and Rosa lay out blankets and acetone, Liz melts the silver, Michael and Kyle stand by to get Max out of the pod, and Alex sits down in a chair while Isobel stays beside him. Michael can feel how unhappy Alex is that he has to sit while the rest of them help and prepare, but also that he understands that his leg might not reliably support him if this works. 

It’s quiet as they prepare. It’s quiet as Michael coats his hand in silver. It’s quiet as they lay Max down on a blanket and cover him with another one. Kyle moves over to Alex, Isobel moves over to her brothers. Michael can hearKyle and Alex quietly murmuring to one another on his right, and the girls doing the same on his left. But he only has eyes for Isobel. Isobel who’s looking down at Max with apprehension. He reaches over and takes her hand, making her look up at him. 

“It’s gonna work.”

She still looks scared so he does the only thing he can that he knows will work; he opens their connection completely. Their love, and Alex’s, flows between then. Alex’s pure, honest love, her needful love and his own, cemented in pain but no less good. 

“Isobel. It will work.”

Tears come to both their eyes as they look at each other. Alex is sending encouragement to them, already a master at handling a bond after a day, though Michael isn’t surprised by that. Alex Manes is the master of everything Alex Manes wants to be the master of. 

They both glance at Alex with a smile before they place their palms on Max’s chest. This is it, there’s no going back, no matter how nervous they both are. Their hands glow red three seconds later. Michael concentrates and feels the electrical current of love that wants to be pushed into Max. He grasps for Isobel’s presence in his mind and pulls her with him, leading her to the power that envelops them before it follows the path of their hand and into Max. Nothing happens at first, just Izzy, Michael and Alex through a handprint in the chasm of Max where his life essence should be. It’s mostly empty, though a tiny fragment of Max still remains. He reaches for it and cradles it with their love, Isobel following suit and pulling Alex with them too.

And then- Then he’s surrounded. Isobel is in his mind, sharing Alex with him through the bond. And slowly waking, as if from a deep slumber, is Max. He pushes harder, can feel Isobel doing the same. Max rises to the forefront of both their minds, his spirit, his soul, his love planted in want. Like puzzle pieces being fitted together in their minds, a shattered window being glued back together. They both feel the fissures meld. He feels Alex pushing more, even as that connection grows weaker. Not gone completely, but lessened by his brother taking his rightful place in Michael’s mind back. Max is rising, the connection growing stronger every second. Until. Until it’s mended. 

And Max gasps awake.


	3. Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things don't automatically go back to normal after Max is resurrected

**LOVE**

Things don't automatically go back to normal after Max is resurrected. They’re all too mad at him, in their own way. Liz is furious with him for sacrificing himself, Isobel for leaving her when she needed him, with Rosa and Maria taking their side. Kyle is mad because his sister is mad and because what he did was stupid, even if he does come over to check on Max dayily. Alex isn’t mad per se but he does stay away, respecting his friends’ ire. So that leaves Michael, who while mad himself, will always be there for his family. And Max is… weak. 

He gasped awake in the cave and immediately passed out. But he was alive, breathing and within a minute, warm again. The next couple of hours are pretty much non-existent in Michael’s mind. They got to Max's house, somehow, but Michael's recollection of the trip is fogged by acetone-laced exhaustion He does know that Alex was there, softly combing through his curls with his hand, his pure love still at the forefront of his mind. Other than that, he doesn’t remember much until he woke up the next day with Kyle standing by his bed telling him the facts; Max was still sleeping in his own bed, Isobel went home, as did everyone else, effectively nominating him caretaker. 

Five days later Max still hasn’t woken up for more than a few minutes at a time. According to Kyle it seems like his strength is regenerating. Michael thinks he’s just being a lazy fuck who’s avoiding everything. He tells him that at least once a day, and the one time Max is actually awake and hears him he just huffs, though Michael’s unsure if it’s in annoyance or laughter. 

Two days after that, Max is awake and moving around. Though calling it ‘moving’ is a bit of a stretch: he tried to get from his bed to the couch and failed halfway. 

“Did you mean to end up on the floor?” Michael asks from where he’s standing in the kitchen. The glare Max sends him just makes him grin. 

“Michael.”

“What? You’re the one on the floor.”

“Michael. Help me. Please.”

Max does look kind of sad on the floor and he did say please, so Michael lifts him with his telekinesis and helps him move to the couch. 

“Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it. Ever.”

Max sighs. “Everyone still mad?”

“Yes.” Michael answers. 

“Figured as much. You too?”

“What do you think?”

“You have every right to be.” 

“Don’t patronise me,” Michael says. He knows his tone is low and dangerous but Max has been dead for a long time (six months, two weeks). He’s allowed to be pissed. 

“Michael, I’m not. I know you’re pissed at me for more than dying.”

“I don’t want to talk about that.”

“Okay.” Max says with a nod. “I know you didn’t want me to heal your hand, and I still did. I-”

“My hand isn’t healed.” Michael interrupts. “The scars are gone but my hand won’t ever be completely healed, been too long since Jesse smashed it.”

“Shit, I’m-”

“Max, shut up. Maybe I don’t have the scars, but I still have the pain. You didn’t remove the reminder. It’s not fine, it will never be fine. But you failed. So I can live with it.”

“I’m still sorry,” Max mumbles. His words are starting to slur and he’s asleep a second later. Which fits Michael perfectly fine, he doesn’t want to talk about that with Max. Maybe in the future when he’s not so mad. As of right now, though, his hand hurts even though Max healed the physical reminder. It still hurts, and it's all he's got, so he has to deal with it.

Max sleeps for an hour before he wakes up again and accepts the bottle of acetone Michael floats over. 

“How long?”

“Six months, two weeks. Three weeks if you want to count your week long nap.”

“Shit. No wonder everyone’s mad.”

“You think?”

Max eyes him. “Why are you here though? You’ve got just as much reason to not want to be.”

“Someone has to keep an eye on you. You do stupid shit when you’re alone. Like resurrect people. _Twice_. And dying,” Michael responds, just looking at him. “You seem stronger today.”

“Yeah. I guess I’m starting to feel better. Like my strength is coming back.” Max lifts his hand and the palm glows red. “I can’t hold it for long, but this is the first time since I- Since I woke up that I can activate it.”

“Welcome back to the world of the living. Things are still shit, you’re still an ass, and you’re officially on sabbatical from the force. But it’s good to see you awake. Dipshit.”

Max snorts, which sets off a coughing fit that Michael can’t help worry about even if he thinks Max sort of deserves it. He keeps coughing for several minutes and Michael’s worry takes over enough that he texts Kyle. Who enters the door a minute later. 

“Yeah, I was already here. How long has he been coughing?”

“8 minutes.” Kyle just nods as he moves over to Max and starts checking him out, Michael hovering not far away. His worry must’ve hit Isobel as well because she shows up a few minutes later, followed by Maria, Liz, Rosa and even Alex. 

“What’s wrong with him?” Isobel asks. This close he can feel her turmoil, her fear. 

“Far as I can tell his power levels are still low so he’s sick.”

“And, Kyle? Can we do something?”

“Don’t worry, Iz. I’ll be fine,” Max says in between coughs. 

“Shut up, I’m still mad at you! Kyle! Can we do something?”

“No. He just needs rest.” Kyle answers as Max’s coughing begins to subside. He groans in obvious pain, but looks around the room at them. 

“Hi. It’s so good to see you,” Max says with a smile. Tears slowly trickle down his face as he looks at each of them, though his gaze lingers on Liz. His swallows loudly when his eyes land on Rosa, his smile stretching even wider. “I didn’t think I could do it. But here you are. I’m glad you’re alive.”

“Idiota,” Rosa replies, even as she smiles back at him. “You shouldn’t have sacrificed yourself for me.”

“Maybe. But she missed you, and Noah is dead. So how could I not?”

“How could I not?!? Are you kidding me, Max?!?” What comes next is a whole string of Spanish to quick and jumbled for Michael to understand. But he knows Liz is mad. She is spitting fury so quickly at Max that even Isobel looks impressed.

“How **could** you? You just left! You **left** me!”

“Liz.”

“What, Maria?!”

“He’s asleep.”

And on the couch, still with a smile on his face, Max is, indeed, sleeping again. Teary laughter bursts out of Liz’s mouth. The laughter slowly turns to sobs as she moves over to the couch and sits down next to Max.

They all move out to the terrace to give her some privacy. Isobel paces as Maria and Rosa sit down. Michael moves off to the other side of the house as Isobel starts asking Kyle questions he doesn’t care to hear.

“Hey.”

He looks up at Alex’s voice. “Hey, yourself.”

“You okay?”

“Sure. How are you? Handprint faded?”

Alex smiles. “Yeah, the day after the resurrection. I think Isobel used so much energy that it just faded.”

“I can’t feel you anymore.”

“You weren’t supposed to feel me at all.”

Michael hums. “Nah. But I liked it.”

“I did too,” Alex says, smiling as he tilts his head in the teasing way he does. It makes Michael want to kiss him.

“It makes me want to kiss you when you tilt your head like that.”

“I know.” Michael can't control himself around Alex when he's being a teasing little shit, least of all when he _knows_ he's being a teasing little shit, so he steps away from the wall and gets closer. He looks for permission in Alex’s gaze before he wraps his arms around him and kisses him when he gets a small nod and a teasing grin.

The kiss starts small, a brush of lips. But when they’re together, neither of them are particularly good at self-restraint, so the kiss quickly turns dirty. Deep kisses, tongues brushing forcefully against each other, hands roaming under their shirts. He’s never forgotten how much Alex turns him on and sets his body on fire, but having unlocked Max’s abilities he can also feel an undercurrent of electricity running through his limbs. He feels like he’s on fire, like every touch of Alex’s lips and hands on his skin are licks of flame. He has his hands up under Alex’s shirt when he starts to feel the trickle of Alex’s emotions in his head. At first, he doesn’t think about it but as Alex moans against his lips and he feels a strong surge of lust that isn’t his own he has to acknowledge it.

“Alex,” he starts, but gets interrupted by Alex kissing him deeply again. “Alex, why can I feel your emotions?”

That stops Alex cold, and he leans back to look at Michael. “What?”

“I can feel you. Right now. You are so fucking horny and I want to rip your clothes off. But I can feel you in my head and I shouldn’t.”

“You can feel me? Now?”

“Yeah- I- Now you're more confused than anything else. Still horny - which is distracting, by the way - but confused and ready to problem solve,” Michael says as Alex lifts up his shirt. The hand print over his heart is gone and there isn’t another one Michael could have placed in the make out session. Michael doesn’t leave them.

“We should ask Iz or Max if they can feel me.” Michael nods and walks back over to the terrace with Alex.

“Did you have fun dry humping?” Isobel asks with a smirk as she sees them, but the looks on their faces takes the smirk right off. “What’s wrong?”

“Iz, can you feel Alex?”

“No? Not since the handprint faded. Why?” She asks.

“I can feel him. Not as strong as you or Max, but he’s still there. And he wasn’t before we kissed.”

“That’s impossible.”

“And yet his emotions are in my head.”

Isobel’s eyes narrow as she looks between them. “I can go into his mind and try to find out why.”

Michael looks aghast and exclaims, "What? No!" at the same time that Alex shrugs and says, "Okay."

Michael just looks at Alex. “Seriously?”

“Guerin, it’s the fastest way to get answers.”

“Alex, this isn’t like a handprint. She’ll see everything.”

“I have nothing to be ashamed of,” Alex says. He really doesn’t, and Michael wants to know what is going on. But he still worries.

“I’ll go in, have a quick peek and get out, Michael. I’m not going to go traipsing through his darkest memories,” Isobel announces, annoyed. Michael just gives her a look. “I swear, I won’t.”

“Fine.”

So, for the second time he has to watch Isobel do something to Alex he doesn’t want her to. But, where the handprint might have something to do with him wanting his own on Alex, this is more about not wanting Isobel to see things that have nothing to do with her. Still he waits patiently, glowering at Isobel while Maria tries to distract him. It doesn’t work for the few minutes (five) that Isobel and Alex are completely still, but he still appreciates Maria trying.

One second Isobel and Alex are standing completely still and the next Alex stumbles backwards, almost losing his balance on the prosthetic. Michael catches him with his telekinesis first, then goes over and keeps him upright with his arms.

“You okay?”

“Yes. Just lost my balance. Isobel, are you okay?”

She’s watching them with a very neutral look on her face. One Michael knows doesn’t necessarily mean good news but only because she doesn’t know how the other person will react.

“You have a bond.” And that is, admittedly, not what he expected to come out of her mouth.

“A what?” Alex asks.

“We create a bond with the handprint, but they’re only supposed to be temporary unlike ours. Michael didn’t even put a handprint on you, he just piggybacked on my connection to you. And yet there is definitely a bond between you both in your head.”

“How the hell is that possible?”

“Your mom?” Alex suggests. “Maybe she left you the ability to make connections with people when you connected with her in Caulfield.”

“Or maybe you just didn’t want to let go of the connection to Alex in your head and clung to it. You said it yourself Michael, you don’t leave handprints. Maybe this is your way of making bonds with someone who isn’t me or Max.”

He stays quiet as he just watches Alex. He’s acutely aware that Kyle’s come to tell them that Max is awake again and that the others on the terrace move inside, but he only has eyes for Alex.

“I hated that Isobel put her handprint on you because I wanted to put my own there. I wanted to feel you; I was jealous that she got to.” Alex looks surprised but he keeps going. “I loved feeling the connection to you in my head. I loved feeling your beautiful, pure love for me.”

“Guerin-”

“I’m sorry, if I did this.” He looks down on the ground and closes his eyes. Breathes in and out deeply. Trying to calm the panic that wants to rise.

“Michael.” He lifts his head and looks at Alex, who closes the distance between them and puts his hand on his cheek. “I told you, I liked having you in my mind too. If you think I mind this, you’re wrong.”

Alex kisses him, and the bond flares again. Happiness, love, uncertainty and caution surges down it. It’s small, still just a trickle that seems to be triggered by touch. He kisses back, once again wrapping his arms around Alex and sliding his hands up his shirt in the back. He can feel the bond strengthening the more he touches Alex between kisses, he tries opening it fully.

What started as a trickle becomes a stream, becomes a river, becomes a flood of emotions. It almost overwhelms him for a minute, before he finds his footing. And then, once again, he’s surrounded by _Alex_. He can touch him with his hands, smell him through his nose, feel him in his mind. It’s intoxicating, by the time the kiss happens.

But as always, both of them pull away. They’re still not ready.

“We’re exploring that in the future. If sex between us was epic before, I want to see what it’s like with both of us feeling each other,” Alex says with a slightly hoarse voice as he reaches up and moves the errant curl in front of Michael’s eye away.

“Your wish is my command, Captain,” Michael replies, sneaking one more kiss.

“Is there a reason why you don’t think you leave handprints?”

“I tried. Isobel and I both played around with fuse boxes, like Max did. She left a handprint the few times she tried to overload one. I didn’t. Probably because my main ability is physical. Isobel and Max’s isn’t.”

Alex smiled. “Well, now you don’t have to.”

“I guess not,” he replies, running his hand over Alex’s cheek as the bond he didn’t know he wanted sings between them. It’s beautiful, gorgeous. Pure. And he loves it.

The bond quietens when they let each other go and walk inside Max’s house. Liz is still talking sternly to Max who is just watching her with love in his eyes. Isobel is scoffing and joining in the stern talking, while Maria, Rosa and Kyle are all watching, their laughter barely concealed behind smothered smiles. The anxiety in the pit of Michael’s stomach is slowly lessening now that Max is back, now that they are a family again. He just hopes it will hold.

\-------------------------------

The next few (two) weeks he spends with Max, watching as he gets his strength back. He works his shifts at the junkyard, texts Alex and hangs out with the rest of the gang. Rosa is the one that spends the most time with Max when Michael’s at work. She says she wants to get to know her sisters boyfriend, Michael thinks she just wants to scare the living shit out of him. He not so secretly hopes she succeeds. 

Their lives are quiet in a way they haven’t been in forever. The fact that that is the most anxiety inducing thing in Michael’s life says something he doesn’t like to think too deeply on. It’s like their lives are normal. Besides the alien thing and the ‘might have accidentally psychically bound his ex-something and hopefully future-something-else to him’. Alex doesn’t seem to mind as they can only sense each other when they’re touching so he doesn’t either. Even if he wishes it hadn’t happened on accident, like he took the consent away from Alex. Though the dark haired man only glares at him when that particular thought enters his mind, before he shows him just how much he doesn’t mind through the bond. 

Michael still tries not to think too much about it. Alex doesn’t hide anything in their connection, if he wants to show Michael how annoying he’s being, he will. That’s why Michael knows deep down that Alex loves the way they’re linked because he would know if he didn’t. He’s fairly sure Alex would find a way to break it if he wanted to, he’s resourceful like that.

Max, on the other hand, is still confined to getting as much rest as he can. Though he can walk on his own now, and doesn’t fall asleep at the drop of the hat, he’s still not well enough to be out and about. The sheriff doesn’t know he’s back either, so they still have to be careful. Though Michael knows Max is going stir crazy in his house. He wants to be out of the house, he wants to put the uniform back on, he wants to be back in his squad car and be a cop again. It’s part of Max’s identity now. But Kyle’s doctorly word is law, so Max is still cooped up. At least for one more week.

“Remember when we were 12, right after you got back to Roswell?”

“Yeah? What about it?”

“When we ran out of school and went to the Crashdown?”

Michael sits forward and furrows his brow. “You mean when Arturo gave us milkshakes and called your parents? Who yelled at us for an hour straight while Iz laughed behind our backs?”

“I miss those days.”

“You miss being twelve?” The dirty look Max shoots him from the couch makes him grin.

“No, I miss us being friends. I miss feeling like I could tell you everything, and that you could tell me everything.” Max sighs. “I miss being brothers, man.”

“That’s the ‘you were dead for 6 months’ talking, Max. We haven’t been brothers for a long time.”

“But you’re here. And I’m alive again. Could we try?”

Michael stays quiet for several minutes (eight). He watched the emotions run across Max’s face and over the bond that he can’t hide. Maybe he doesn’t want to hide them either. Michael sees a deep longing on Max's face, the kind that he'd only previously thought could be awoken by Liz. But recently, that face comes over Max’s face when any of them are there. He lights up when he sees Maria, when he sees Kyle. He smiles brilliantly when Rosa or Alex are around. He has a naked love and affection on his face when Liz is there or Isobel deigns him with her presence. But when they leave his expression shifts, dims, changes into something sad and wistful. It’s as though he knows how much he missed when he was dead, he doesn’t want to miss it any more.

“Sure.” The shock and delight on Max’s face almost makes him cackle. Almost.

And so they try. When Max is deemed ready for the world by Kyle a week later, they decide to celebrate by getting a beer. They enter the Pony like Max just got back from his sabbatical, and is met by a smiling Maria, who hugs Max as if she hasn’t seen him for seven months. Michael catches the “It’s good to see you up,” she whispers in his ear, and shakes his head minutely at the tears and soft smile on Max’s face after.

They sit down with their beer and their whiskey and just talk. Well, they bicker. About sports, about life, about each other. They rehash stories of their youth and all the stupid shit they did. That’s how Isobel finds them an hour later, slotting herself right into their conversation after spending a few minutes flirting with Maria at the bar. Liz and Rosa join them a little while (30 minutes) later, throwing stories and Spanish curse words around when they rehash a particular story. Kyle joins in fifteen minutes after that, Maria five minutes later that when she can finally leave the bar in the capable hands of her employees. And finally, at the two hour mark, Alex walks inside the bar and squeezes himself into the booth beside Michael.

“Hey.”

“Hey yourself.” Their hands find each other beneath the table, their fingers entwine and the soft trickle of emotions makes them both smile.

“Ugh, your love fest over there is bleeding into my brain. Please stop,” Isobel says, and Max laughs at her.

“Leave them be, Iz.”

“Yeah, Iz, leave us be,” Michael says with a grin, winking at his brother when Isobel scoffs. The smile Max returns means more than probably both of them wants to admit.

“I think it’s beautiful. Even if they are sickeningly cute.” Liz’s words makes everyone laugh and Michael looks over at her. Elizabeth Ortecho, the girl with too much empathy. He smiles at her as she meets his gaze and is rewarded with the eye-crinkling grin of hers. The one that makes him feel safe, because if Liz can grin like that; then the world is somewhat at peace.

“Well I, for one, think they’re nauseating. Cute or not.” The haughty tone from Isobel sets of another round of laughter and Michael feels the anxiety in his head quiet just a little bit more. He knows more than anyone that she’s kidding, as her affection and joy at seeing her brother happy shines through their bond. He feels at home in a way he hasn’t felt in a very long time. His siblings around him, the rest of his carefully chosen family sitting with him, Alex’s hand in his.

He feels love trickle down from Alex, joy from Max, affection from Isobel. They still have so many things to figure out, Project Shepherd is still a thing and Jesse Manes is still in a coma. Relationships still need to be ironed out, talks need to be had, apologies and forgiveness still needs to be given. But at least he’s **home**. He’s surrounded by the most important people in his life. He feels loved, he feels as safe as he can be, he feels settled. He feels like his life finally has meaning, like he’s finally in the time and place he’s meant to be. Like the pages of all their books have synched up.

So there they sit, for the rest of the night. Three aliens, five humans, in a bar. Beer and whiskey on the table, laughter loose and the stories even looser. Some of them get up to dance every now and then, but they always come back to their table. Because the pieces wants to be together. And now they are.


	4. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It still feels strange to him, even now, five years after Max was brought back from the dead.

**FAMILY**

It still feels strange to him, even now, five years after Max was brought back from the dead. The Pod Squad, who came to Earth in a space crash from Antar, and found a Human Squad. Three siblings, who hid who they were for 20 years so no one would find out, in fear of what might happen to them. 

And here they are. Still together, just surrounded by more people who know and love them for exactly who they are. He looks at Kyle, the man who has concern and worry for everyone, the one all of them can come to if they need something. Kyle will forever drop everything for anyone of his friends. At Rosa, loud mouthed and brilliant as she is, who will always lend a hand if you’re doing something and will always engage in what she knows you love, even when she doesn’t enjoy it herself. At Maria, who opens her home and her bar for them whenever someone needs something, who will listen with an open mind and comfort by offering a loving hand to hold. At Liz, who loves his brother as much as she possibly can. Who worked with him tirelessly when Iz was sick, when Max was in the pod, when Noah was after them. Not because she could, but because she wanted to. And at Alex. Who loves him more than he ever thought anyone could love him. Who fought for their love for so many years, who protected him even when Michael didn’t know he was. The man in his head who sends him nothing but love, even when they argue. The love of his life.

He looks at his siblings. At strong, beautiful Isobel who loves their ragtag family with her entire being, who shows him every day that she loves him to the stars and beyond. And at Max. Strong, dependable Max, who came back from the dead and sought to right the wrongs he had done. Who worked tirelessly to rebuild the trust between them. They’re a team now, siblings, in ways they’ve never been. There’s no secrets, no distrust. There’s still anger, bickering and discussions, but they’re siblings; there’s supposed to be. His love for them isn’t set in pain any more, it’s pure. 

He has Alex to thank for that. Five and a half years ago he had just lost his mother and the pain of that almost destroyed him. Almost destroyed his ability to love. But with Alex at his side, he learnt how to let go of his pain. Learnt not to see Jesse Manes in Alex’s face. Just as Alex managed to not see Maria in his. It took them a long year (one year, three months) to get to a point where they only saw each other. But when they finally did, no one could stop them. The people of Roswell thought that they had a whirlwind romance with how quickly they moved, but for them it was a relationship twelve years in the making. 

And now here he is, three years, eight months, four days since Alex was finally back in his arms for good. Their beagles Whiskey and Wentz are running around the cabin chasing Darren, Isobel and Maria’s foster son. Liz and Max’s two-year-old twins, Rosa and Peter, are giggling loudly as they watch the running gang from the safely of their parents’ laps, Liz and Max cooing at them and each other. The elder Rosa and her boyfriend Miguel are manning the grill, bickering loudly in Spanish. Michael knows Rosa is going to win though; she is the superior grillmaster of the two. Kyle, Maria and Isobel are sitting in lawn chairs talking as they too watch the dogs and Darren run around. Isobel has a brilliant smile on her face as she watches her son, her hand in Maria’s between the chairs while Kyle is grumbling about Jenna being on duty to Maria’s obvious amusement. Jenna moving back to Roswell six months ago was a shock to begin with, her and Kyle finding each other less so but still shocking. They are, in many ways, a mismatched group, one that shouldn’t work when you really think about it. But they’ve always exceeded expectations, the bunch of them. So while logic might dictate that they shouldn’t, they still do to the best of their ability. Even when tempers grow hot, words come out strong and yelling is just around the corner. Michael watches them all with a smile on his face from where he’s sitting on the steps of the cabin.

“Hey.”

“Hey, yourself,” he replies, tilting his head back to look at Alex. His fiancé, soon to be husband.

“I need some help in the kitchen, please?”

He nods, getting up and following Alex. Plates and glasses are on the counter, prompting Michael to start setting the table as Alex brings out condiments and drinks for their food. Whatever Michael needs next appears on the counter as they move around each other, completely comfortable in each other’s presence. They move asone; each finding and placing things the other needs, lifting and adjusting where needed. Their hands brush every so often, and the bond sings every time. Michael isn’t the only one who’s home now; they all are.


End file.
